Slightly Off KIlter

I’ve joined a lot of mailing lists (and before that, newsgroups) in the past 20 years. Some are software support lists; many are discussion lists on some topic (software, cats, jobs, etc.). Many are social groups (whatever the “topic”).

When I join a list, I either read it regularly and participate, or I archive it against the eventuality of needing it (the support lists), or I read it for a while, don’t participate, and unsubscribe.

The key word is participation. I am rarely a lurker on the lists I join. If I read the mail in the list, I respond. If I don’t respond, I probably don’t read either. Except for a rare few lists I keep for reference, if I neither read nor respond, I stop subscribing. My inbox is too full as it is.

Occasionally I have unsubscribed from a list I originally liked (and read, and participated in) because I didn’t like the community attitude. I don’t like being spanked in public; I don’t like seeing other people spanked in public. Some lists attract unhappy and rude individuals; some even have unhappy and rude moderators! If I don’t feel welcome and/or don’t think the list is welcoming to others, I will unsubscribe. It is rare, however, that I feel this way about a list.

I recently received an odd little note from a lurker on a list I enjoy and participate in fairly often (the list shall remain unidentified).

Dear Ms. Brown,

I am glad people respond to you and you respond to them.

For myself, I wonder why you are on this group.

Is it for you? Or for us?

What a strange question! The answer, of course, is two-fold.

1. I am “on the group” (i.e., I subscribe and participate) for myself, of course. If I got nothing out of the group, I would not participate. I do very little from a pure sense of altruism.
   

   
   

2. I am “on the group” for you… the other members of the group. Again, “of course”. If it were only for myself, I would lurk — I would read posts and gather information — but I would not bother to participate. I participate to share my ideas, my experiences, my thoughts and comments, with the rest of the group. I participate to start (and continue) interesting conversations.
   

So the answer to the question “Is it for you? Or for us?” is “Yes”.

If you don’t understand the answer… I wonder why you are in this group? Or any group?