Slightly Off KIlter

There’s an old joke:

The Software people will tell you it’s a Hardware problem. The Hardware people will tell you it’s a Software problem. If all else fails, both will blame the Network.

Today’s modern “Tech Support” seems to reduce this to one easily-remembered primary rule: It’s not our problem. The job description for many Tech Support groups would appear to be very simple:

1. Read to the user from the manual. It’s not necessary to pick the “correct” part as long as one or two words match the complaint.
   
2. If that fails, disavow all knowledge of the problem.
   
3. Success in getting the user to reinstall the system (and remove all “third-party software”) is a plus.
   

Blech

I recently ran into a very odd symptom on my Kyocera 7135 “Smartphone”. The 7135 is a clamshell flip phone combined with a Palm PDA – very nice. One of its features is an external LCD strip that shows the Caller ID of the incoming call. The LCD also shows battery level, signal strength (when applicable) and current time.

A few days ago, the LCD clock disappeared.

I looked in the manual. I walked through all of the preference settings. I figured out what the little icon of a bell with a line through it meant (that had been bothering me 🙂 but I couldn’t find anything that turned the clock on and off. So I sent a few requests for assistance into the aether —— one to Kyocera Technical Support and one to the Kyocera 7135 forum at pdaPhoneHome.com.

Twelve hours later, I had a response from the forum:

Did you recently install any FontHack fonts or other font files?

Interesting question… I had, in fact, installed a few fonts. I then deleted them, but the PDA froze during the deletion and I had to reset it. It was after the reset that the clock disappeared. Could there be a connection?

I did a little research and yes, that was the problem. Apparently the Kyo’s LCD clock needs the Utah Bold Kyocera font which is in ROM. However, for some reason, the 7135 actually uses the first font file loaded after a reset. If you’ve recently installed new fonts, Utah Bold Kyocera is unlikely to be loaded first (apparently, fonts are loaded alphabetically).

Duh.

Given that the extra fonts had since been deleted, I did another reset et voila!, the clock is back. I then sent a bug report to Kyocera detailing the problem. (I’m a programmer. It’s just wrong to use the first font you find if you need a specific font. Ask for the font you need!)

The next day, I received two responses from Kyocera Tech Support. They both skipped step #1 of the Job Description (read the manual to the user) and moved straight into step #2 (disavowal of the problem). Both responses are pasted as I received them, all grammatical errors [sic].

Regarding the initial problem (the clock has disappeared):

This email is in response to your inquiry regarding the clock on your phone. We recommend that you contact your Service Provider to report this problem. Your Service Provider will be able to provide you with hands on troubleshooting.

They’re kidding, right? I should ask Verizon Wireless? My cellular telephone service provider will be able to assist me in determining why the clock has vanished on a particular model of telephone?! Why do I doubt this will succeed?

But that was nothing compared to the second response, which was priceless (if by no means unique) in its inanity.

This email is in response to your inquiry regarding the error because of a software. It seems that you are using a third party software on the phone. We do not support using third party softwares on our phones. They may degrade its performance and will also void the warranty of your phone.

Oooh. Did I mention that the Kyocera 7135 is a Palm PDA? People install third-party software on Palm PDAs. It’s rather the regularly done thing.

I wrote back. I reiterated that Kyocera had a bug and that I was filing a bug report. I recommended they escalate the bug to their programming team. The chances are slim but I live in hope. Sigh.

In case you should think I have it in for all Technical Support teams, I don’t. The IT team at the Company that employs me is sharp and responsive. Many small software developers I have encountered have been quite “with it”. I have especially high praise for the Tech Support team at Bare Bones Software (makers of BBEdit); they have never, to my recollection, read the manual to me. 🙂 I frequently send them little thank you notes, usually after I have a run-in with the dregs of the Tech Support world. It looks like it’s time for another thank you note.